In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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