hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
