I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
