i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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