Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
