He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
