My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
