i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I enjoy the company of your penis
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