I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize