took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
