Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
