Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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