dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
