Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
