So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
