apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
