listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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