I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
so much tequila, so little girl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
