she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
