Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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