dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
