I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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