he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
