no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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