quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
