FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize