Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
