eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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