I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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