I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
