I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
