apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
