Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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