Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
