eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
