It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
