it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
