I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
