dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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