I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
