Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
