How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
