You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
