cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize