My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
