Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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