she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
