do herpes really smell.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
