A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
