im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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