Got a toothbrush?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
