sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
