I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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