I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
3 2 1 whiskey
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
