Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
