I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dick very happy bro
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
