I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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