Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
