new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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