I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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