U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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