MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
