I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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