i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What a dumb baby whore.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
