My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
