my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
