and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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