I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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